I feel like I write this a lot, usually as an excuse for not uploading a vlog or going missing from instagram for a few days, but things have been tough recently. There are always ups and downs in life, especially when you have children, but I feel like this week has been particularly tough. When I have a tough week, I tend to work harder.
Wednesday was the toughest day and I found myself cleaning the entire house. Not just putting washing away, but painstakingly scrubbing the floor around the toilet until it shone in the light! The house had never looked so spotless, but the release of anxiety and stress was temporary and quickly reappeared the second I allowed myself a few moments to relax again.
‘Doing’ is my way of avoiding things that really get to me. That’s why I think I’ve always been so drawn to gardening. There are always jobs to do at any time of the year and I love that. It means I can be as busy as I need my mind to be.
This attitude doesn’t always leave me much time to actually stop and smell the roses though. I think my instagram can be a little bit deceiving sometimes, it’s always full of beautiful pictures of my produce or flowers, but I actually rarely stop to look and enjoy it all for very long. I’m constantly looking for the next job, the next packet of seeds to sow, the next bed to dig over.
The other day, I went to my allotment plot and I did nothing. Nothing.
I sat and watched the birds eat worms from my new raised bed. I listened to the birds and I admired my allotment plot. The plot I had painstakingly bought back to life 3 years ago when I first got the keys to the site. Right from day one, I was working on my plot. Cutting back blackberry bushes, digging out weeds, making raised beds and sowing seeds. I’ve barely had a second to just stop and enjoy what I’ve created.
I’ve created a sanctuary for wildlife and for myself. It’s my escape, the place I’m drawn to when I feel like life is overwhelming and stressful. But what’s the point of all hat hard work if I never actually sit back and enjoy it?
One of my first blog posts on this website was my gardening resolutions for 2022. One of them is, you guessed it, stop and enjoy the garden every once in a while. I think I’ve just been afraid to do ‘nothing’ because I’m worried I’ll end up feeling even more anxious and stressed if I’m not keeping busy. The truth is, avoiding feelings of stress and anxiety only ends up making them worse. The distraction of ‘doing’ doesn’t cut it anymore and I’m left feeling worse as soon as I stop.
So I need to start stopping and smelling the roses. Allowing myself to feel stressed for a bit and knowing that I’m strong enough to get through it, that it wont last forever sounds like a better idea. Just like the seasons, moments where life feels stressful and hard are usually fleeting. They don’t last forever and you usually end up coming out of them stronger than before.
So I’m going to stick to that resolution I made at the beginning of the year and stop a little more, especially when things feel overwhelming. Stop and smell the roses.
